The non-breakup breakup

Things are officially over, but I’ll start at the beginning. “No sex girl” and I didn’t really talk much for the second half of her trip but when she returned to Los Angeles we made plans to go out last night. We went to a seafood place that makes one of my favorite dishes that I cooked for her once on our 4th or 5th date. To be honest, I tried to go into this date with no expectations. Having not seen her for a while, I was starting to mentally move on. My hope was that I would either have no feelings for her, or time would have eased the tension and we’d be able to have a fresh start.

Unfortunately that is not really how it went. We went to the restaurant and as usual had an amazing time together. We laughed, talked about very personal things and thoroughly enjoyed each others company. After dinner I was feeling good about everything, we walked to my car and I kissed her. Immediately I felt the same weirdness that we’ve had since we met. I’m honestly not sure if it is a lack of chemistry for both of us, or if it is more for her and then I can feel her lack of interest. Either way it didn’t feel right.

I drove her home and thought that would be it, but somehow I wound up going up to her apartment. For a minute I thought maybe we would finally throw everything out the window and try to simply enjoy each other. Turns out I was brought upstairs to hear these words, “So should we talk?” It was clear this was the end, and we actually had a nice talk. I’ve never laughed so much during a breakup. We both acknowledged how much we liked each other, and neither of us was sure if it was a simple lack of chemistry, or if we just waited too long to have sex, but either way we both felt way too much pressure and the whole thing didn’t make sense.

It really was the stupidest thing ever. We were breaking up, but from what? We weren’t in a relationship, we weren’t even really friends – we were simply two people who were getting to know each other but realized we weren’t meant to be.

Our mental connection is undeniable and I think we could have been friends if we met under different circumstances but at this point a friendship kind of seems like a waste of more time.


SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I guess I didn’t have better luck after the chopstick incident with this girl. The next time something goes wrong in an Asian restaurant I’m taking it as an omen and getting the hell out of there.

More Confused

Still no solution, but the girl went out of town for a few days. We spoke before she left and it seemed like she was feeling better about things since we talked. She texted and called me a few times and I was starting to feel good about everything. I was actually happy that she is out of town, and figured a week and a half away can help things and hopefully when she gets back some of the pressure will be off.

I went to yoga this morning and sent her a text. She didn’t respond for hours, which was fine, and then eventually said she would call me later on. She did, and I felt like her energy was weird, and the call was not great. Maybe I’m so in my head at this point that I’m over thinking everything, but I don’t know why this has to be so difficult. I just want to keep hanging out with a girl that I like and have fun. Is that too much to ask?

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? Well, it is actually still tonight and I’m in a funk.

Confused

After several dates we have hit a sexual roadblock (I am going to start calling this girl “no sex girl”). You see we’ve been out a bunch of times over the last few weeks, but every time I try to take things to the next level it just doesn’t happen for one reason or another. Last night we actually talked about it and I guess there seems to be a lack of chemistry or maybe we are each just used to different things/have different styles and vibrate on different wavelengths. It is really frustrating whatever it is and we are not sure how to fix it or if it even is fixable. I want to make it clear that I adore “no sex girl.” Mentally we really like each other, have a great time together, laugh a lot, and I am attracted to her physically, but I think she thinks of me as a friend now.

I am all too aware of the physical lack of compatibility but the thought of losing someone I actually like is upsetting. Is this something that can be worked on? We did discuss it for a while last night but we couldn’t come up with a solution. To make matters worse, it turns out that she was allergic to my feather bed and basically had an asthma attack all night. It seems like the negatives keep piling up against me.

It has been hard to find a girl that I connect with in this town, and now that I have, there is a huge dynamic missing. I once dated a girl who I really liked but the sexual chemistry was missing for me. I tried to see if I could learn to be more into her, but eventually things fizzled out. Have the tables now turned?

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? It was full of sexual tension…but not the good kind.

Date 2 & 3

So I went on 2 more dates with the girl from the “Chopstick Incident.” Date 2 was another nice dinner with good conversation. I paid for dinner again and she asked if she could take me out for a drink. I agreed and she took me to a wine bar. We had a really good time as we sat next to each other on a bench drinking wine.

A few days later I called her and she asked if I felt like getting dinner so we went out for an impromptu meal. She asked where I wanted to go, but I was on her side of town so deferred to her knowledge of the west side. I had one disclaimer that I was wearing jeans and a t shirt, so it probably shouldn’t be too nice of a place. She said she hadn’t even showered that day. She picked a perfect place and unshowered and all she couldn’t have looked cuter. We had a great time and called it an early night.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? We’re off to a nice but slow start…

Texting 123

I got a text message from a number I didn’t recognize last night that said, “They shut them down! Thanks to Fisher. Lakers will send Boston packing.” “Who is this?” I replied. “Lisa from Tony’s Restaurant.” Well I don’t know a Lisa from Tony’s Restaurant, so I said, “I think you have the wrong number but Fisher was amazing and it’s nice to meet a fellow Lakers fan.”

We actually texted a bit more and we both found humor in the situation.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? It was an unexpected opportunity. I’ll text her after the next Lakers game and see if she finds it funny. If so, maybe I’ll get a date out of it. (We live in LA, so if she’s a waitress, it is likely that she is trying to be an actress and could be cute).



***Follow up - I texted her after the Lakers loss last night. She then called me and still thought I was whoever she thought I was in the first place and didn't really see the humor in starting a dialogue with a stranger.

Trouble with Chopsticks

I went on a date this week with a girl who also works in the entertainment industry. We met for coffee and after a while she suggested we grab dinner (Good sign right away). I’m trying to be healthy so I suggested sushi.

The restaurant was nice, we had sake and a delicious meal. I was attracted to her and we had a pretty good conversation. At one point we ordered a sushi dish with crispy rice but each bite was way too big to fit in our mouths. She elegantly cut hers in half with her chopsticks and I tried to do the same, but I think my rice must have been a little crispier so as I tried to cut it, my chopsticks broke in half and fish went flying. Luckily I only got food on myself and I was able to laugh it off. The truth is that this was my second dating incident involving chopsticks, the first of which happened on my first date…

I was in 7th grade and I went out for Chinese food with the first girl that ever liked me. We shared a poo poo platter (in hindsight, that may not have been the best date food, but I was clueless). I wanted to show her how funny I was so I decided to go with the classic chopstick walrus. If you are not familiar with this bit of comedy, I put chopsticks in my mouth as if they were tusks then clapped my hands and made “arf arf” walrus noises. Lets just say out of the two of us, I was the only one who thought it was funny. The rest of the date was pretty awkward and I was left terrified of girls and dating.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? It took me years to lose my virginity after the walrus incident…hopefully I’ll have better luck this time