Star Tits

I met a girl recently and we flirted quite a bit. I thought she liked me, but I was getting some mixed signals, and she asked me if I wanted to go out with her and her "hot girl friends" to a birthday party over the weekend. She had me at hot girls.

The party was at a gay bar, so I brought 2 of my straight friends, and figured our odds would be pretty good. By the time I got to the bar, this girl was buzzed and it was clear that she wanted me to come for her, and not for her hot girl friends. We were drinking at a table, and lets just say her hands started to wander and before I knew it she was touching me right on the penis -- in the bar. Awesome!

At this point, my two friends (lets call them M and N) were sitting across the table from me, and M mouthed to me the words “I think she likes you.” I mouthed back “you have no idea.”

We left and went back to her place. Now, I have to explain that there was a slight conflict of interests in how we knew each other that made us hooking up a little complicated (I won’t say what the issue was, to protect everyone’s anonymity). Anyway, we started making out on her couch, but she kept interrupting the kissing session by thinking out loud about if we should or shouldn’t do things. She said things like “on the one hand we have this _________ issue, but on the other hand, I’ve wanted to F you since I met you.”

What was a guy to do? Well, eventually her shirt came off and as I went for her bra she said, “Wait, I have to warn you…my nipple is tattooed.” OK, I was intrigued, and it turns out she wasn’t lying. One of her nipples was completely tattooed in the shape of a star. If you’re into tattoos you’d find it very hot, if you’re not, you may think it’s a little weird. As for me, all I could think about was the fact that she could never be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Whatever your personal feelings about the tattoo may be, I hope you can appreciate that to me she will forever be remembered as “Star Tits.”

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? – I prefer my nipples round. I’m old fashioned that way.

The next day I went to brunch with my buddies that came out the night before and told them about the wandering hands in the bar. M looked to N and said “I told you!” Then they high-fived. You know you have good friends when they high-five each other because you got touched on the penis.