The weekend came and went, and I never heard back from the girl me. I decided that I had nothing to lose by giving it another shot, so I called her on Tuesday afternoon to follow up. I mustered up some courage dialed and then…she sent my call to voicemail! That’s right – 2 rings, and it was voicemail land for me. Now, she is currently between jobs so it’s not like she was at work. At this point it’s obvious to me that she saw my call, so I still decided to leave a message. I have not heard back.
This got me thinking. Did I do something wrong? Well, there was this one thing...You see she was sarcastic, joked about a lot of things, and didn’t seem to be easily offended. There was witty banter flowing and I may or may not have made a joke about a disorder that one of her relatives had. I obviously didn’t know her relative had it at the time, and she seemed cool with my attempt at humor and even made her own joke about it. In typical Phil form however, I decided to push the envelope and make another follow up joke about an hour later -- that might have been too much. This was a situation where the comedy rule of three may not apply.
OK, lesson learned, don’t make cleft palate jokes on a first date – you never know who may be personally affected by it. Nevertheless, I still don’t think this alone was enough to not give me a second date. I don’t think I read the other signs wrong, so could this really be where I lost my shot?
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I would have eventually done something inappropriate anyway, I guess its better not to prolong the inevitable.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
The Girl Me
2 nights ago I went out with a girl that I can’t stop thinking about. Physically she was exactly my type and on top of that, she actually had an amazing personality. We went for drinks at 8pm and had a fun conversation. She had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and wasn’t afraid to make an offensive joke – perfect for me. We told stories about our childhood, and showed each other funny photos from when we were each 10-years old, and she told me about her pet millipede. We talked about our dating experiences, and this girl had stories even crazier than some of mine.
She has had the unfortunate luck to go on the following dates”
1. She went out with a guy she later found out was a murderer
2. She went out with a guy from Jdate, who turned out to be an Aryan, skinhead, Klan member that tried to hurt her, so she broke his nose
3. And finally (and my personal favorite), after a bit of a dating drought, 2 of her friends took her out on the town, but really brought her to a male whorehouse. She didn’t know what to do, so when the infamous madam said, “What do you want? What is your fantasy? I can make it happen.” She replied, “I’d like a man covered in peanut butter and scrabble pieces.” She just wanted to play scrabble, but the guy showed up with the peanut butter only covering his junk. She didn’t like that, and as she said “I wasn’t going to lick it off of him,” so she didn’t play scrabble and got her money back. (Her friends had the sex). The whole time I was just wondering if it was creamy or chunky.
OK – so we had compatible senses of humor, funny childhood pictures, similar types of friends, and shared stories about getting into legitimately crazy dating situations. This girl was the smoking hot, girl version of me. Seemed perfect!
She told me about her family, and it turned out that her sister is getting married this weekend (in an orthodox, man dance with men, women dance with women party). After talking for 3.5 hours she looked at her watch and said “oh no, I have to get to the airport.” Turned out that she had to pick up her aunt who was flying in from Israel for the wedding (she actually had 4 relatives fly from Israel – all on the same day, but on different flights, so the family was splitting up the airport runs). She said she didn’t realize how late it got, and had expected to leave by 10pm (it was now 11:30). I figured that was a pretty good sign, that I was entertaining enough for her to stay out almost twice as long as she expected.
We walked outside to the valet, and I went to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek. I wasn't sure if she was going for the mouth, or didn’t know that I was going for the cheek but we had a near miss, mouth kiss – awkward, but I didn’t think too much of it. After the hug she said “you smell nice – I wasn’t expecting that.” Well, I am full of surprises. I thanked her and said we should hang out again. She agreed and was off.
The next day (yesterday) around lunchtime I sent her a text that said, “hey. I had fun last night. Hope your airport run was a success. I’d love to take you to dinner after the wedding if you’re game.” I haven’t heard back yet. Do you think she’s just busy with family? Playing a game? Or not interested? This is the first girl in a while that I actually want to hear from, but I think she would have written something back by now if she was interested.
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I guess I want to date a girl version of myself, but myself may not like me.
She has had the unfortunate luck to go on the following dates”
1. She went out with a guy she later found out was a murderer
2. She went out with a guy from Jdate, who turned out to be an Aryan, skinhead, Klan member that tried to hurt her, so she broke his nose
3. And finally (and my personal favorite), after a bit of a dating drought, 2 of her friends took her out on the town, but really brought her to a male whorehouse. She didn’t know what to do, so when the infamous madam said, “What do you want? What is your fantasy? I can make it happen.” She replied, “I’d like a man covered in peanut butter and scrabble pieces.” She just wanted to play scrabble, but the guy showed up with the peanut butter only covering his junk. She didn’t like that, and as she said “I wasn’t going to lick it off of him,” so she didn’t play scrabble and got her money back. (Her friends had the sex). The whole time I was just wondering if it was creamy or chunky.
OK – so we had compatible senses of humor, funny childhood pictures, similar types of friends, and shared stories about getting into legitimately crazy dating situations. This girl was the smoking hot, girl version of me. Seemed perfect!
She told me about her family, and it turned out that her sister is getting married this weekend (in an orthodox, man dance with men, women dance with women party). After talking for 3.5 hours she looked at her watch and said “oh no, I have to get to the airport.” Turned out that she had to pick up her aunt who was flying in from Israel for the wedding (she actually had 4 relatives fly from Israel – all on the same day, but on different flights, so the family was splitting up the airport runs). She said she didn’t realize how late it got, and had expected to leave by 10pm (it was now 11:30). I figured that was a pretty good sign, that I was entertaining enough for her to stay out almost twice as long as she expected.
We walked outside to the valet, and I went to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek. I wasn't sure if she was going for the mouth, or didn’t know that I was going for the cheek but we had a near miss, mouth kiss – awkward, but I didn’t think too much of it. After the hug she said “you smell nice – I wasn’t expecting that.” Well, I am full of surprises. I thanked her and said we should hang out again. She agreed and was off.
The next day (yesterday) around lunchtime I sent her a text that said, “hey. I had fun last night. Hope your airport run was a success. I’d love to take you to dinner after the wedding if you’re game.” I haven’t heard back yet. Do you think she’s just busy with family? Playing a game? Or not interested? This is the first girl in a while that I actually want to hear from, but I think she would have written something back by now if she was interested.
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I guess I want to date a girl version of myself, but myself may not like me.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Baby Talk
I met a girl at a Halloween party – she was dressed like Barbie and I got her number. We wound up going out for drinks and eventually made it back to my place. We made out for a bit and then she started asking me a million questions – from “do you have any siblings?” To “what do your parents do?” etc. Eventually she asked me what my favorite color was, and I said “I don’t know, I don’t think I have one – I’m not 7.”
Was this a little harsh? Maybe, but I was getting annoyed. My response caused some kind of switch to go off in her, and she started talking like a baby – literally baby talk voice. I don’t remember what she said exactly, because I was freaking out, and couldn’t believe this was actually happening. At one point in baby voice she said, “why don’t you ask me any questions?” I responded, “I don’t know, I’d rather find stuff out naturally, and not turn making out into an interview.”
There was an awkward beat, and then she told me she asked if she could tell me something. I said "sure" and she replied (still in baby voice) “I used to be a stripper.” “That’s ok” I replied – after all, what else was I supposed to say at this point. She said, “Really? it doesn’t bother you?” I said no (but lets be honest, she lost me with the baby talk, and I already knew I’d never go out with her again, so no need to offend her further). She then asked if I wanted a lap dance.
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? Strippers shouldn’t talk, or give lap dances while fully clothed -- it causes chafing
P.S. I called my dad in the morning. I didn’t give him all the details, but explained that I had a crazy date. He said, “I’ve got news for you” (he’s an “I’ve got news for you” kind of guy) “I’ve got news for you, you have to go through the crazy ones to get to the good ones. Trust me, before I met your mother I went out with A LOT of crazy girls. A LOT.” --Thanks Dad.
Was this a little harsh? Maybe, but I was getting annoyed. My response caused some kind of switch to go off in her, and she started talking like a baby – literally baby talk voice. I don’t remember what she said exactly, because I was freaking out, and couldn’t believe this was actually happening. At one point in baby voice she said, “why don’t you ask me any questions?” I responded, “I don’t know, I’d rather find stuff out naturally, and not turn making out into an interview.”
There was an awkward beat, and then she told me she asked if she could tell me something. I said "sure" and she replied (still in baby voice) “I used to be a stripper.” “That’s ok” I replied – after all, what else was I supposed to say at this point. She said, “Really? it doesn’t bother you?” I said no (but lets be honest, she lost me with the baby talk, and I already knew I’d never go out with her again, so no need to offend her further). She then asked if I wanted a lap dance.
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? Strippers shouldn’t talk, or give lap dances while fully clothed -- it causes chafing
P.S. I called my dad in the morning. I didn’t give him all the details, but explained that I had a crazy date. He said, “I’ve got news for you” (he’s an “I’ve got news for you” kind of guy) “I’ve got news for you, you have to go through the crazy ones to get to the good ones. Trust me, before I met your mother I went out with A LOT of crazy girls. A LOT.” --Thanks Dad.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Challenge
Last night I hung out with a friend of mine from England. We were talking about girls (obviously) and hooking up on each other’s respective continents. One thing led to another, and being from different countries, we wondered if it was possible for someone to hook up with 2 people at the same time, in 2 different countries?
I know this is confusing and is very “Back to the Future,” but stay with me McFly. You see when you fly from England to Los Angeles, you make up a few hours with the time difference, but not enough to go back in time. A few years ago however, I was in Japan and I left Tokyo at 4:30 in the afternoon, and got back to LA around 9am that same day. This means I in fact time traveled almost 7.5 hours into the past!
This makes our hypothesis possible, so here is the challenge I present: Can anyone/has anyone out there hooked up with someone in another country, then jumped on a plane, traveled back home with a time difference big enough to then hook up with someone else at the exact same time, on the exact same day?
This could be an expensive challenge (especially if you fail on the first attempt and have to try again), but I really want to know if anyone thinks they can or has done this. My theory is that in order to do it, you have to put some time in with a girl or guy in your home country, so you know you can hook up with her/him upon your return. Then travel somewhere and stay there until you meet someone and hook up. Then immediately get to the airport and head home. Make sure girl/guy from home country picks you up at the airport and have a very nice, exotic gift for her/him. The rest is up to you, and your charm. Hopefully you sleep on the plane in this scenario so the jet lag doesn’t knock you right out when you land.
I think this challenge is probably way easier for the ladies. Double points if while accomplishing this task you join the mile high club.
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? It’s still last night somewhere
I know this is confusing and is very “Back to the Future,” but stay with me McFly. You see when you fly from England to Los Angeles, you make up a few hours with the time difference, but not enough to go back in time. A few years ago however, I was in Japan and I left Tokyo at 4:30 in the afternoon, and got back to LA around 9am that same day. This means I in fact time traveled almost 7.5 hours into the past!
This makes our hypothesis possible, so here is the challenge I present: Can anyone/has anyone out there hooked up with someone in another country, then jumped on a plane, traveled back home with a time difference big enough to then hook up with someone else at the exact same time, on the exact same day?
This could be an expensive challenge (especially if you fail on the first attempt and have to try again), but I really want to know if anyone thinks they can or has done this. My theory is that in order to do it, you have to put some time in with a girl or guy in your home country, so you know you can hook up with her/him upon your return. Then travel somewhere and stay there until you meet someone and hook up. Then immediately get to the airport and head home. Make sure girl/guy from home country picks you up at the airport and have a very nice, exotic gift for her/him. The rest is up to you, and your charm. Hopefully you sleep on the plane in this scenario so the jet lag doesn’t knock you right out when you land.
I think this challenge is probably way easier for the ladies. Double points if while accomplishing this task you join the mile high club.
SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? It’s still last night somewhere
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