False Advertising

I gave in and joined an online dating site. I haven’t had trouble meeting girls in the real world but I haven’t met anyone special, so I figured why not give the internet a shot and expand my pool of potential women to court.

I went out with one of these interweb girls this week. Now, I saw several pictures of this girl, and talked to her on the phone a few times to try and make sure she wasn’t crazy. I don’t know about the crazy part, but she did falsely advertise herself in her pictures.

I mean this girl was cute and skinny in her pictures. I showed up and not only was this girl not cute, but she was chubby, had bad skin, and puffy face. Puffy face you ask – well it’s like her eyes sunk into her head because of how puffy the rest of her face was. Oh and in real life, she was probably 10 years older than her pics. Thinking about it now, her pics must have been taken with actual film.

I was pissed, and wanted to get the F out of there. She started talking about how much she loved dogs, so I decide go with this bit of charming dialogue:

Her: “Do you have any animals? I have 2 dogs.”
Me: “I hate all pets.”
Her: “Even doggies?”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “How can you hate dogs? You don’t even like golden retrievers? They’re my favorite and so nice.”
Me: “Nope. I hate golden retrievers. They’re ugly.”
Her – Just a blank stare
Me: “Well I guess I could tolerate small dogs because even though you can’t trust them, I know that if things go south I could easily kill them.”

First let me say I don’t really hate dogs, but I figured this crazy talk should have been enough to kill the mood. Well not with puffy face. She must be so lonely that she’s willing to date a potential dog murderer. Eventually I said I was tired and got out of there.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I’ll get my advertising fix (false or otherwise) from MAD MEN

Could a friend of a friend be more than a friend?

Last night I went to dinner with a friend of a friend who just moved to town and I wound up having the best time I’ve had with a girl in a long time. The night started off with dinner at an upscale burger joint, and we both got veggie burgers – no mayo. I thought that was a pretty specific order and we were on the same page right off the bat.

We had dinner and wine, told stories about our lives and it seemed like we had so many things in common. I was genuinely interested in what she had to say. – If you don’t know me, let me explain that I’m a talker and if I’m out to dinner with someone new I’m usually doing at least 65% of the talking, but this girl could hold her own and we were pretty much 50/50. It seemed like we had similar experiences and every time she would tell a story, I felt like I have experienced the same things. If all of that wasn’t enough, we laughed the entire night. There was witty banter flying back and forth and she had a sense of humor just as dark and twisted as me – nothing was off limits.

After dinner, we went to a friend’s party for more drinks. The night just got funnier here. I think we made jokes about pubic hair for 45 minutes, and I couldn’t have thought this girl was any cooler. Finally, we ended the evening at a late night diner, and the good times kept rolling. Dinner started at 7 and I didn’t get home until 4am. I usually can’t stand being around a girl for that long, but this was different.

So what’s the problem? Well, she is seeing someone. I don’t think it is super-serious, but I’m not the kind of guy who tries to break people up for my benefit. I’ve had that done to me and I didn't think it was cool. I guess I don’t really know what their situation is, and I don’t want to ask. Also, she’s from Texas and I don’t know why, but I have a total weakness for Texan girls.

She sent me a text this morning thanking me for dinner and saying she had a great time. I said we should hang out again soon, and she replied “absolutely.” I have no idea how to play this. I finally met a girl that doesn’t seem to be crazy but there’s another guy in my way. I guess I’ll have to see how it all plays out…advice is welcomed.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I’d like to get a first hand look at her lack of pubic hair, but I may not get a chance since it seems like I’m entering the friend zone. I think I’ll ignore her for a while.

The End of the World

This weekend, I went out with a girl who decided to open with the following conversation starter:

“So how crazy is it that the world is gonna end in 2 years” -- “Excuse me?” I replied. “Yeah, you know the Mayan calendar only goes until 2012, and there was just that movie, so like the world is probably gonna end, and I’ll only be 30 so that totally sucks.”

She was not joking, and this is when the date mentally ended for me. I realized I had 3 options – 1. Sit there and allow myself to be annoyed by this girl. 2. Stand up and walk right out the door without any explanation. 3. Entertain myself and dissect her theory. Obviously since I’m writing this blog, I chose #3.

“That’s so interesting” I replied. “I’m fascinated by Armageddon, but I’m not sure how much stock you should put in the psychic skills of Native Americans. After all, I’m pretty sure that if they could predict the end of the world, they would have been better prepared for European conquest and rape. Then again, it was probably a conscious decision by an old Indian Chief smoking peyote – “Oh no!” “What is it chief?” “I had a vision of men with skin like snow raping our women, but fuck it -- and don’t tell anyone. The world will end 500 years later anyway.”

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? I wouldn’t spend the night with her if it WAS our last night on earth

Perfect on Paper

Last night I had a date with an amazing girl. She’s a lawyer, runs marathons and is gorgeous. Seems perfect right? That’s what I thought too.

We had a very nice evening. We went for drinks at a wine bar, and ate some appetizers. The date lasted a few hours and we had good conversation and a pleasant time. I can’t put my finger on anything specific, but as perfect as she seemed I just didn’t feel any real chemistry and I’m pretty sure she was on the same page.

Maybe it’s because we were set up, which made the night feel more like an interview than a date, but if there weren’t any sparks then should I even bother to go out with her again? On the other hand, should we try to go out and do something less forced, like go for a run or a hike? I’m really confused about this one. She’s perfect on paper but I don’t feel it in my gut.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? In Chemistry when you mix substances together sometimes they cause a big chemical reaction. Last night was more like mixing oil and vinegar – it’s fine to put on a salad, but it’s ultimately uninspired.

Getting Back to Business

Hi all -- sorry for my lack of posts recently. As 2009 came to a close I went on a string of bad and mediocre dates that weren't even worth writing about. I started to feel like I lost my mojo and wound up taking a short break from the dating scene. I got pretty lonely for a few weeks and for the first time in my life had moments where I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I realized that I had to fix me, for me, before I’d be able to meet someone, so I spent a lot of time working on myself. I read books, meditated and went to therapy.

I felt like I was able to open doors in my brain that had previously been locked and was now seeing the world from a higher perspective and clearly recognized a bigger picture in most situations. Basically, I felt like I began to operate at a higher frequency and I am now ready to tackle 2010 head on.

I can assure you that I will be writing more frequently and I already have a few dates lined up.

SO HOW WAS LAST NIGHT? Wayne Dwyer once said that you cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. I was alone with myself but after a period of introspection, I've become very fond of me.